This morning I had a quick scroll through my Instagram feed, as I'm want to do, and felt a very strong feeling of not being good enough. I follow a lot of accounts of those in the same business as me, and I found myself making unnecessary comparisons. I was subconsciously putting myself, and my worth, down and telling myself that I would never be as successful as them.
Why do our brains do this to us? It's very mean. Feelings of self-doubt are very common, and you are by no means alone in this. How many of you have felt like an impostor in your job? Like, you somehow managed to make it through an interview and now you work there it will only be a matter of time before someone realises you're no good and aren't up to the job. Or, perhaps in your personal life you have these feelings of resounding self doubt. "No one will love me". "I have no friends". "I'll never look good enough". Ringing any bells?
You'll be pleased to know though, there are ways of overcoming this and tricking our cruel brains into thinking more positively.
What sets you apart and makes you special?
So, you feel like your weird and different to everyone, thus not as good. Well, I've got news for you. We're all different and that is a good thing! Instead of thinking you belong is some kind of freak show, find out why your differences make you unique. What can you bring to the table that no one else can? You view the world in your own special way and have insights into things that no one else does. This gives you value. This gives you worth. Always remember that. Make a list of your characteristics (or strengths if you like) and have a think about how those make you special and worthwhile. Much like with affirmations, maybe keep these on show somewhere so you can remind yourself on a daily basis why you're important and why you do matter.
Look outwards and help others
I'm sure you've all done a good deed once in a while. How did that make you feel? Probably not like a worthless piece of s***, I'm guessing. Doing good makes us feel good, and proud of ourselves. We can start to take away the focus on ourselves and how rubbish we are and turn it onto the outside world and what we can contribute. Using the list of characteristics you made you can think about the qualities you have and how these can help others around you. Maybe you have a knack for technology and could help to implement a new system at work to make everything a little bit more efficient. Or, perhaps you're a creative person and can see a new way around a problem that a colleague or friend never could. Or, maybe your kindness and selflessness means you'd make a great volunteer somewhere. The options are out there, my dear.
Face your reality and make a plan
Ok, so let's say you really aren't happy with where you are right now. You're not justified in saying you're not good enough but maybe you can take motivation from seeing where others are at. Turn those negative thoughts into a way to move forward. What don't you currently have right now but want, and how will you achieve it? You need to create your vision of how your life will be. Think about where you want to be in six months or a year. Write down precisely what you want your life to look like, no matter what aspect that's in. And, dream big. Don't cheat yourself out of anything here. Once you've got a really good idea of your vision you need to think about how you're going to get there. Create an action plan. Research what you're going to need to achieve what you want. If that's a specific job, find out what qualifications, experience etc you need. Want to lose weight? Look up useful training guides and workout plans. You're on the internet now, use this bottomless pit of knowledge!
It's ok to not be happy with where you're at now, but just make sure you're not wallowing in self pity and do something about it.
The brain is a complex beast and it's a battle and a half to rewire our thinking patterns. But it can be done. Even if you start small with just one, little, characteristic you like about yourself. You're list will start to grow and your thoughts will start to change for the better. We're all good enough.