Did you know that break ups are at an all time high in February and March? Happy Friday!
Now, it might just be hear say but I've personally had two break ups in February, almost within the same week (different years, don't panic). It's suggested that this time of year is still early enough into the new year, but far enough away from the holidays, that people feel they can make a change without having to break up with someone at a difficult time.
Is it time to reflect on your relationships and what they are adding to your life? Are there areas of a relationship you’re not happy with? And, I'm talking all types of relationships here, not just romantic.
Let's discuss if you should work on things, or do the deed and initiate that break up.
Improving a Relationship
First you need to decide what outcomes you want from the relationship. How do you want the relationship to change? Does this change come from you or is it the other person? Do you need to change your expectations of this relationship? That's a lot of questions and a lot to think about, I know. Start by listing down what you want from a relationship.
Once you know what outcomes you want from this, you can start to work out a change in behaviour that will give you the desired results.
You then need to make a structured action plan to reach these outcomes. For example, you believe it's the other person who needs to change, then how will you approach this conversation, etc.
Sometimes you'll need to discuss with the other person what your expectations are from the relationship, and where the failings are for you. It is about compromise. If you want to enter a discussion you must have a plan in place on what you want to say, and what you want to achieve from this.
Work out what areas you would be happy to compromise with, and be prepared to listen to the other person. You need to be clear in your mind the areas that you don’t want to compromise in. It’s important to be open minded and take the other persons opinions and feelings into account, but don’t be a push over. If you’re unhappy with something then we want the best possible outcome for everyone. At times you do need to be selfish and put your own happiness first.
Give yourself time to think and anticipate the other person may say something you’re not expecting. You don’t need to reach a decision right away so don’t make rush choices or actions. Let the other person know you'll take time to think carefully about what they have had to say and agreed a time for a second conversation where you might be able to start working out your issues, and making certain compromises.
Remember to be calm, polite, and understanding during this process. The other person will hardly be willing to negotiate if you go in guns blazing and allow yourself to be angered by what they might say.
Ending a Relationship
So, you've tried everything and made the tough decision that there is no fixing this relationship? Ending a relationship can be a very cathartic process and at times the best, or only, outcome for both parties. Whilst it’s hard, focus on how you’ll feel when you start to grow from the freedom of this and being able to take more time for yourself. Or being able to give more of your time to those more deserving of it.
Before you had that all important, and all horrific, conversation, think through what you’re going to say. You don’t want to script yourself and you still need to be sincere, but it’s ok to make notes and work out how you want to say your piece.
Decide when and where you’re going to do have this conversation. Make sure you don’t get sucked into an argument, and be kind and still listen to the other person. You must stick to your decision though, don't start to waiver if they try and persuade you otherwise. If you've given the relationship a fair chance and concluded that ending it is the best option, STICK TO THIS. Dragging things out with indecision can only make the situation a whole lot worse. You need to think about how you’re going to behave after the break up to ensure you keep to your decision. Focus on the positive outcomes and how your life will improve from this change.
Whatever course of action you choose to take, I wish you the best of luck and focusing on sending you the strength you need. Relationships can be incredibly tough and take a lot of work. You just need to be clear on whether a certain relationship is worth your effort and time.