Updated: Nov 9, 2018
I've been feeling slightly hypocritical lately. I've based my business and my brand all around confidence and yet, recently, my confidence seems to have taken a bit of a nose dive. All anyone who knows me has been hearing is, "Why am I not there yet?" and "Why can't I see any changes?".
The reason I started Confident Stylings was to inspire confidence in others and show them the strength they have to achieve their potential. So for those of you, including myself, who need a little confidence boost, let's talk about some confidence tips.
I know what you're thinking. Isn't this something I have to do at work for reviews with my manager, or some vague memory from school. But, trust me, SMART goals are actually a really great tool. For those who need a quick refresher:
Specific Measurable Attainable Relevant Time bound
I have to remind myself to set any goals based on the SMART model because not only does this help me to focus, but it's a great way of keeping motivated and boosting my confidence. For instance, being able to measure your goal can really make you realise how far you've come. I think a lot of the time people can fall foul of focusing so much on where they're trying to get to, that they forget where they've been. This can be as simple as realising you can now do 10 push ups instead of 5, or as complex as realising you're only having 1 panic attack a day instead of 3. Keeping your goals attainable also means your not setting yourself up for failure, which would most likely result in a confidence meltdown.Tiny baby steps my friends. There is absolutely nothing wrong with setting yourself smaller, interim, goals. Just start small and work from there, and remember to always reflect on what you have achieved.
I'll be honest, this is something I always tell myself to do but rarely actually do. Yes, I feel silly doing it. However, I do believe it can be a powerful tool for building self esteem. I guess it's similar to the idea of faking it till you make it. If you tell yourself often enough that you are, for example intelligent and strong, then eventually you will just believe it. Eventually walking around just exuding confidence all over the place.
Now, I don't think we need to sit in front of the mirror everyday and whisper sweet nothings to ourselves but really taking the time to seriously think about your strengths can make you realise how amazing you are. Write down something you achieved, even if it's just making it out of bed in the morning, then it's there in writing. For all to see. Or maybe just yourself. Then, as and when you want to, you can reflect on this and maybe whisper it to yourself.
Check yourself before you wreck yourself
It's a well known fact that we are our own worst critic, but have you ever stopped to notice some of the things you are telling yourself. "I'm so stupid". "I'm ugly". "I'm useless". I know, or at least hope, that we would never say these sort of things to someone else, so why on earth are we saying them to ourselves?
A great way to overcome this is to use balancing out statements. For example if you find yourself thinking "I'm so stupid" you could try replacing it with "well I've made a mistake here but I've learnt from it and won't repeat it". I know, it's not quite as concise but it will make you feel better. The trick is being able to recognise when you are berating yourself and stop that negative pattern forming, but as aforementioned you're amazing. So, you got this.
I think this last tip is more a consolidation of all the above, but perhaps the most important one. Don't forget to share a little of all that love you have to give with yourself. Treat yourself. Dress yourself up in something nice and that you feel amazing in. Take yourself out somewhere nice.
I know in our busy hectic lives we get so caught up in the things we should be doing, getting to work on time, cooking dinner, looking after our loved ones. It's easy to forget to make time for a little self care, but if we take the time to look after ourselves we feel good. When we start feeling better about ourselves, you guessed it, our confidence improves. It's oh so simple but oh so hard to remember. But, hey, maybe make it one of your SMART goals.
I hope you find these tips useful, I know I certainly will be making more of an effort to practice these. Good luck, and remember to be kind to yourself.